Aging is a journey we all take, but for those of us without children or close family nearby, it comes with unique challenges. I know this firsthand—because I am a solo ager. I’m single, don’t have children or siblings, and my family lives miles away. Over time, I’ve learned that solo aging doesn’t have to mean aging alone. I’ve had to be intentional about creating my own support system, and while it hasn’t always been easy, it’s been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
Finding My ‘Chosen Family’
For a long time, I believed that support networks had to be built-in—family, lifelong friends, or partners. But as I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that family isn’t just who you’re born into; it’s who you choose. I’ve made it a point to cultivate deep friendships, to check in with neighbors, and to form bonds with people who genuinely care. Being intentional about relationships has helped me build a chosen family that looks different from the traditional one—but feels just as meaningful.
Some of my most trusted relationships have come from unexpected places. Clients and co-workers have become part of my extended family. I had the pleasure of speaking with a former co-worker yesterday who, after a serious illness and multiple surgeries, now has a prosthetic leg. He’s just returning to real estate after a five year absence, and welcoming him back into the fold felt like a warm hug. Shout out to Steve and your indomitable spirit!
Creating Community in Unexpected Places
I never imagined that some of the most valuable relationships I’d form would come from unexpected places. A neighbor who checks on me when he’s in town. A group I volunteer with that turned into a support network. A local community center where I found people with similar interests.
As a Realtor, I don’t work in a traditional office—my car is my office most days. Because of that, I’ve built friendships in places I never expected—church, board meetings, and even by hiring someone to do a job. When you vibe with someone, it doesn’t matter how you meet. What matters is the effort you put into maintaining those relationships.
One of the most powerful shifts for me was realizing that I didn’t have to wait for people to reach out—I could take the first step. I introduced myself to neighbors, joined local events, and put myself out there. Yes, this is part of sales and you probably think I do this anyway but here’s the funny part: I don’t consider myself a salesperson and I do this to connect – and not about real estate. Seriously.
Planning for the Future—On My Terms
Without children or close family nearby, I’ve had to think carefully about who will advocate for me if I need help later in life. This has meant making some tough but important decisions: choosing a healthcare proxy, setting up financial plans, and exploring different living arrangements that will work for me long-term.
The reality is, solo agers need to be proactive. I’ve taken steps to document my wishes, have conversations with trusted friends about my future, and look at options like co-housing communities where neighbors look out for one another. These preparations don’t just give me peace of mind—they empower me.
Being a solo ager has taught me so much about independence, resilience, and the importance of connection. I’ve learned that aging alone doesn’t mean being lonely. I’ve built a life filled with meaningful relationships, engaged in communities that support me, and made sure that I have a plan in place for the future.
If you’re a solo ager, know this: you are not alone. There are people out there who will welcome you into their lives, friendships to be formed, and communities to be built. The key is to be intentional—because connection isn’t just about proximity, it’s about purpose.
Are you a solo ager? How have you built your support system? Got any tips to share? There are a ton of us out here!