Borrowing is an ancient tradition—right up there with fire and the wheel. Your neighbor borrows a cup of sugar. A friend borrows your favorite book. Your cousin borrows your car (and returns it with the gas light on). But as we all know, lending things out can sometimes feel like a one-way street, where your belongings embark on an adventure they never return from.
Trust me, I know. Over the years, I’ve lost clothes, shoes, furniture, a car (don’t ask), and even a boyfriend—though I suppose that last one doesn’t technically count. But at some point, I had to lay down some ground rules. Because if we don’t, we might all end up with empty toolboxes, mysteriously vanishing Tupperware, and an ever-growing list of “borrowed but never returned” grievances.
The 3-Tier Borrowing System
Not all items are created equal. Some are casual borrows, some require a handshake agreement, and some should never, under any circumstances, leave your sight. In light of of this and in my own defense, I developed a tier system.
- Tier 1: The Casual Loan – Sugar, a pen, an extra chair for dinner. No big deal. If they don’t come back, life goes on.
- Tier 2: The Trust-Based Borrow – Books, power tools, a slow cooker. These come with an unspoken contract: you borrow it, you return it in the same condition.
- Tier 3: The ‘Don’t Even Ask’ Zone – Your car, your expensive camera, your first-edition signed copy of Beloved. If someone asks, just say no. No explanations necessary.
(You’d think a whole car would be in Tier 3, but I learned that lesson the hard way.)
If You Borrow It, Return It (Without a Reminder)
If someone has to remind you that you borrowed their hedge clippers three months ago, you have failed Borrowing 101. When you’re done using something, return it promptly with a quick “Thanks again!” If it’s been so long that you’re embarrassed to return it… well, that’s on you.
Return It in Better Condition
Want to be a top-tier borrower? Bring it back better than you got it.
✔️ Borrow a car? Return it with a full tank.
✔️ Use a baking dish? Wash it before returning.
✔️ Read a book? Maybe pop a little thank-you note inside.
Small gestures make people happy to lend to you again.
If You Break It, Replace It
Accidents happen. But the golden rule of borrowing is simple: If you break it, lose it, or your dog chews it beyond recognition—you replace it.
- No “Well, it was already kind of old.”
- No “I was going to replace it soon anyway.”
- Just fix the problem.
(Unlike my missing furniture—pretty sure that’s not coming back.)
Don’t Lend to Repeat Offenders
We all know That Person—the one who borrows a sweater and suddenly it’s their sweater. If someone has a track record of never returning things, it’s perfectly fine to set boundaries. Say it with me-Just say “No!” No guilt necessary.
Know When to Let Go
Sometimes, you lend something out, and it’s just… gone. You have two choices: Track it down like a detective or
accept that it’s living a new life somewhere else. (ouch)
If it’s a major item, ask for it back. But if it’s a plastic container from Thanksgiving 2019, maybe it’s time to move on.
(Still holding out hope for that boyfriend, though.)
The Secret to Getting Your Stuff Back
Here’s a trick: when lending something, casually mention, “I’ll need this back by next Thursday.” People are more likely to return things when there’s an expectation set. If that fails, a lighthearted, “Hey, any chance my ladder misses me?” is a non-confrontational way to jog their memory.
Borrowing and lending should be built on trust and respect. Follow these simple rules, and you’ll never have to launch an investigative search for your favorite casserole dish again. And if all else fails, just start writing your name on everything or Just Say NO!
Have you ever lost something to an eternal borrower? Share your best (or worst) borrowing stories in the comments!